This claim has been causing quite a stir—the poster in our window has gotten a lot of disgusted looks and laughs. Which frankly makes me want to fling open the door and wave my hands around and yell.
But, back to being objective. Or at least factual.
So, why is a non-committal make out abuse? The whole point of NCMO is that it’s a mutual agreement, right? An agreement that you don’t want a relationship but just want to mack it for a few hours, right? Isn’t the definition of abuse coercion, action without consent?
Well, abuse really includes the misuse and mistreatment of other human beings, regardless of the victim’s consent or opposition. So NCMO, for example, is a form of objectification—what is this person to you, other than a pair of lips? NCMOs slander the purpose of kissing, and you can’t do it without negative consequences to yourself and your partner.
Kissing CANNOT be a physical act with no emotional reactions. It can’t. We’re wired for connection, which is part of the reason we desire physical intimacy. But severing the physical from the emotional and spiritual requirements that come with real intimacy is a sure setup for failure. Kissing without commitment is pure frosting—delicious, but leaves one unfulfilled—not to mention the nasty fuzz on your teeth and cavities if that’s all your eating.
These effects are not immediately visible, so the temptation to think, what does it hurt? is strong. However, conditioning yourself through NCMO to believe that a kiss doesn’t mean anything takes work, and undoing it when you decide to settle into a relationship, and eventually a marriage, can be extremely difficult. NCMO is a sorry attempt to get something for nothing, and that laziness is going to bleed through other aspects of your life and relationships.
What about those folks who believe they need to kiss to figure out how they feel about someone? You’d never buy a car without test-driving it, sooo….
Nope. (and again, objectification, people—just a note, women despise being compared to cars.) A kiss is an expression of your feelings—why would you participate in a gesture that should be an expression of respect, admiration, and love, without feeling any of those things? In my mind, these people are on the same train as those who insist on sleeping with a partner before marriage to see if they are sexually compatible. I think we’d agree about that?
We would never condone having non-committal sex with someone—why is making out an (apparently) entirely different story?
Please, your thoughts. Be anonymous if you desire, but seriously. I’d really love your opinion!!